Fighting the ‘Why’

“You are here
so God can experience the world through your eyes.
See what you see, feel what you feel.
Everyday he can’t wait to see what you’ll do.
He can’t wait!
Every day he falls in love with the world all over again.
Elizabeth, you are his muse.”
~ Jeff Daniels as Arlen Faber in The Answer Man

I’m an introspective being, and sometimes overly so. In spite of a very active schedule and lots of wonderful people in my life, there are times where that one rejection, or a snarky comment by one person can send me into tailspin of existentialism. I question how that event reflects on me and my need for growth, when I feel like I am working so hard to make progress already.

With my Polyanna outlook, I have a hard time with the low feelings. I am not as willing to admit to the ‘depths of despair’ as Anne of Green Gables is. But in my effort to move past the hurt, the anger, the frustration, the sadness, I might be fighting my own natural emotions.

We have to cycle through all feelings, and I have to accept that highs are followed by lows in order for us to fully appreciate and live life. While I fully subscribe to the power of positive thinking and strive to see the good in every day, ignoring that bad things happen and that those events come with a slew of emotions isn’t healthy either. Thankfully, other people have written on the same topic, such as Megan Hunt’s poignant post.

“I’ve found it to be good for me to
give up the impulse to over-analyze or
an obsession to understand.
To say “Okay, this is how I am and these are my limitations,”
rather than let the (completely human) urge to fix myself
drive me deeper into the pit of self-doubt and worry.”
~ Megan Hunt

I am also learning that I have a lot of conditioning in my life based on other people’s opinions and perceptions and reinforcements of those assumptions. It is easy to revert back to that thinking and lower one’s expectations. It is tough to not “Upper Limit” oneself as Gay Hendricks writes. Learning to trust life and focusing on the good and the hopeful without always assuming the worst takes much practice and a great deal of positive reinforcement.

Asking why all this happens can send me into whether I ‘caused’ this even when I know that it will take perspective and time before I will fully understand the cosmic message. Resting in the unknowing is difficult. Patience and Faith and Trust are tough traits to achieve.

“When we’re doing what it is we’re meant to do,
when we allow our creative spirit a bit of freedom
to roam the mysteries of the “unknown”,
the universe opens up to us.
We don’t worry over the details.
Things seem to serendipitously fall into place.
We are in the moment. And our creative spirit soars.
Once we rest with the knowledge that we don’t have to know,
then we begin to understand that all we have to do is our best,
and the rest isn’t ours to determine.
The answers lie in the simplicity of having faith in the journey.”
~ Kelly Rae Roberts in Taking Flight

I know we have to savor every day we have, and most of the time I do. Trying to predict or control our lives is futile, but we create mechanisms for that anyway. Sometimes it is difficult to resist closing oneself off to avoid heartache and insincerity.

Still, I know that ultimately our hearts have to remain open in order to let laughter and joy saturate the world and let love unfold as it will. Life isn’t always easy, but I am very grateful to be living this one.

“Love is
that which transforms the small drop of the soul
into the ocean of all-consciousness.”
~ Wes Milliman